Homework Time with Children and Losing It

Homework time in my home used to be the most stressful time for me as a mother. You know when you are trying your best to make a grade 1 understand a lesson and is more than decades since you had your own grade 1, it is a struggle. I used to even drag going home after work, even the thought of it, when I know that the day will be even more strenuous for me emotionally more than it was at work physically.

Let me give you just a glance of what was happening in this house around about 17:45 PM the time I usually arrive during week days. I do not even have time to take my work bag to the bedroom, the moment I enter I fill up the kettle with water to start cooking, oh actually when I enter at the door all my kids come hopping to me, some calling me mama, the other one mommy and the other ma etc. The youngest in this home was around 11 months. I will hold all of them giving hugs and kisses and the last one I will hold on my hip and she will take a while before letting go of me or not at all and have to resort to putting her on my back. She is a heavy child and was around 15.0 kilograms then. If I want to see progress in this house she must be on my back, anyway now she ask for me to put her on my back as she can mutter something I can hear, what can I do, it's called mothering. After all the excitement and is sort of went down I call on my son and niece to ask them if they were given a home work and also reaching for the school bags. I know a few times where they said there was no homework and found us with that red pen gee they are still using a red pen why can't they change to green maybe, somethings just never change.

I check their books and find oh boy there again when is this going to end though...I take out the homework book and the book for writing “Lord have mercy”, I start by asking what we did yesterday they do not know a thing. I get angry and furious and cling fists and teeth and all the angry faces, while at it my 31 months old daughter is crying to be carried as well. We will do the homework and cooking but by the time we finish it we are all angry, teary and pulling faces, just a horrible time in this home. This started to bother me, “life is not supposed to be like this and it looks like I will lose my children in this process”. I like to Google things and topics but this one I did not, I was frustrated, you know when you feel like there is a lump in your chest and all you want to do is just scream, yeah that one. I remember talking to myself as I approach home and actually crying and saying “I do not want to lose my children with this homework thing please Lord help me” and something clicked in my mind that I wanted to lose weight this year 2017 and my goal was to start exercising and dieting, it was time to get rid of all the baby fat besides my girl was going to turn one soon, I cannot be calling it baby fat any more hahahaaa. I missed the point when I forgot to take care of me, to do the things that makes me happy was actually the problem in this whole scenario.

I had to reflect and ask myself where I went wrong in this whole thing and how to solve it. I realized that I forgot they are children and everything is new to them and it takes time to grasp new information. They always say a happy mommy makes a happy home, so this starts with me. I told myself that you know what tomorrow when I arrive, I will give all the hugs and kisses and I will go straight to my bedroom and change to my jogging gear. I like outdoors when I start to exercise it is so revitalizing. I did exactly that the following morning, I was on a mission, behold my child was not even clingy that day wow that was amazing. I went straight out of the door after changing, still no one is crying after me, praise be to the living God. I went for 3 kilometer run and I did that in 22 minutes baaam! I was back. When I came back that is when I asked everyone for their homework, behold I was so relaxed and definitely dripping in sweat.

I sat down with my son and niece with their homework and I told them we are doing the homework today, sitting down for a change. When they did not remember or understand something I was like do not worry you will know next time, mommy will do it with you until you understand, I was more on motivating and praising them when they get something right, or wrong for that matter. I did not force myself to do this, it just came out of me naturally while busy stretching. I found my son stressing over himself when he did not understand something and I was the one who was saying do not worry as long as we do it every day you will know it, do not be hard on yourself, this is new to you. Now I do not ask him to take out his homework most of the times, he takes it out without me asking and if he is watching his favorite television cartoons, he asks politely if he can finish watching and do the homework later. We are not 100% perfect yet, he has his days and I have mine but I am more aware of myself now and more relaxed during this time and if it happens that I just cannot cope at that time. I tell them to pack everything and have a brake and come back after fifteen minutes to finish off and by the time they come back, I have collected myself together and said my motherly affirmations to myself and at it with a bang and patience.

I hope this will help another parent who is struggling with homework time to remember that it starts with you, get yourself together and all things will fall into place when you are in a clear head space. For me it is exercising and prayer that calms me, for you it might be reading your favorite book, but just make sure you are happy for you to make a happy homework time.